Anonymous said: What's a g-spot?

I don’t want to assume that g-spot-havers are all female, or that all females have g-spots, so bear with my gender neutral explanation.

G-spots are an area of spongy tissue just inside the vaginal canal. According to various scientific people, it’s about 1-2” inside the canal, where the spongy tissue that surrounds the urethra can be felt. This spongy tissue swells when aroused, due to blood in the area. There is another component to the spongy tissue — the finger-like extensions of the clitoris. The long ends of the clitoris (assuming the start of the clitoris is the external head covered by a hood) are woven through the spongy tissue, and when a person is aroused, the ends can be stimulated through the g-spot to create a different sensation of pleasure.

The g-spot is different for all people. Some like it to be stimulated, some absolutely do not. Some people like it only when they are really, really aroused, or after an orgasm. Some people can experience a squirting orgasm when their g-spot is stimulated, which has to do with that spongy tissue surrounding the urethra.

I am sure I am not using the best or most scientific explanation, but I hope that helps!

heyepiphora:

My annual massive blogiversary sex toy giveaway is here!
Choose from some of my all-time favorites: vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, a sleeve, a packer, a harness, and even a $150 gift certificate. About half the prizes are also open to international readers!
Enter to win here! 
(Reblogging counts, just use the entry form as well.)

heyepiphora:

My annual massive blogiversary sex toy giveaway is here!

Choose from some of my all-time favorites: vibrators, dildos, butt plugs, a sleeve, a packer, a harness, and even a $150 gift certificate. About half the prizes are also open to international readers!

Enter to win here! 

(Reblogging counts, just use the entry form as well.)

selfcareafterrape:

1. Triggers aren’t as easy as they seem.
Some things are easy enough, tw: rape tw: victim blaming tw: graphic content.
Some things aren’t. How do you explain to a friend ‘If you make me feel small- I will get sick’. How do you tell a lover, ‘Don’t call me beautiful, or gorgeous, or pretty. In fact- just please, don’t say anything’.
Or explain to someone, ” I can’t go through that line. That line has a man wearing a yellow shirt in it- and he is wearing a cologne and no. no. no. no.”
People think triggers are easy to understand- that those unaffected by trauma should still be able to understand the why.
If I can’t understand why I’m triggered by it- what makes you think you can.
2. Trauma would effect everything. Literally.
Something as simple as buying groceries, or going for a walk. Where I’m willing to be in public by myself.
What I will wear and when. And it isn’t so simple as just ‘covering up’. It’s ‘dress nice enough that no one will think there is something wrong with you’ next to ‘don’t dress too nice though- you don’t want anything to happen.’
It effects what I eat. Stress effects the stomach, and when your mind is constantly trying to avoid new trauma or thinking about old trauma.. then you have a lot of times where you’re either stress eating, or forgetting to eat from stress.
Sleep to avoid reality. Insomnia because nightmares.
It changed my speech patterns. Had to be careful not to invite things. Had to be careful to not be ‘b****’ who deserved what was coming.
Trauma changed everything.
3. Recovery isn’t a straight line.
The common theme seems to be ‘avoids life for x amount of days- maybe a week or two. friends come over pull victim back into the real world. there are 2, maybe 3 set backs- but by a few months- life returns to normal’
Personally it was more like ‘life goes on fast forward for the next two months, nothing is wrong- NOTHING IS WRONG- NOTHING IS WRONG IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME- crash. Refuses to deal with life 4 months. Begins to recover. set back. recover. set back. simultaneously does a little bit better in one area- and completely falls apart in another. set back. Too many weeks of wondering ‘is this behavior more attributed to recovery or relapse? how do I know?’
There are way too many variables for recovery to move in a straight line. There are times when we do things that are good for us- while simultaneously regressing in other areas.
4. Recovery isn’t always about going out, facing your fears, or punching your assailant in the face.
Sometimes recovery is making art about what happened.
It is talking honestly about your fears and doubts.
It is talking- at all- about what happened to you.
Recovery is reading terrible terrible fan fiction where the MC goes through something terrible- but finds their best friend through it all- and they go out and slay the dragon and win the hearts of everyone. It is believing that maybe you too will be able to slay the dragon.
It is admitting that you are hurting.
It is asking for help when you need it.
Recovery, is a thousand things.
but not an end goal. not really.
5. Love won’t actually save us.
Too often I saw this idea- that maybe if we found someone who found our pain tragically beautiful.. they could convince us of our worth. they could hold our hand in public and kiss away the pain. after a decent amount of time, you’d have sex- and you’d realize that things were going to be okay after all.
Our pain is not tragically beautiful. 
We don’t necessarily have to save ourselves- not alone. But we have to put in the foot work, we have to respect our need to rest too though. We are more likely to get better with friends who extend hands to help us up- than lovers who kiss away memories of what happened.
6. Survivors actually aren’t that uncommon.
Too often I feel alone in a crowded room, feeling like everyone knows what happened and everyone thinks I’m a monster.
But I’ve learned, that when I speak up- inevitably, other people do too.
Whether it is reading a poem at a venue, or an offhanded comment.  Once one person speaks…
someone else, who thought they were all alone, speaks up too.
We aren’t alone. The more we talk, the more we reach out, the more we find one another.
and that…
was probably the most healing thing I ever did.

selfcareafterrape:

1. Triggers aren’t as easy as they seem.

Some things are easy enough, tw: rape tw: victim blaming tw: graphic content.

Some things aren’t. How do you explain to a friend ‘If you make me feel small- I will get sick’. How do you tell a lover, ‘Don’t call me beautiful, or gorgeous, or pretty. In fact- just please, don’t say anything’.

Or explain to someone, ” I can’t go through that line. That line has a man wearing a yellow shirt in it- and he is wearing a cologne and no. no. no. no.”

People think triggers are easy to understand- that those unaffected by trauma should still be able to understand the why.

If I can’t understand why I’m triggered by it- what makes you think you can.

2. Trauma would effect everything. Literally.

Something as simple as buying groceries, or going for a walk. Where I’m willing to be in public by myself.

What I will wear and when. And it isn’t so simple as just ‘covering up’. It’s ‘dress nice enough that no one will think there is something wrong with you’ next to ‘don’t dress too nice though- you don’t want anything to happen.’

It effects what I eat. Stress effects the stomach, and when your mind is constantly trying to avoid new trauma or thinking about old trauma.. then you have a lot of times where you’re either stress eating, or forgetting to eat from stress.

Sleep to avoid reality. Insomnia because nightmares.

It changed my speech patterns. Had to be careful not to invite things. Had to be careful to not be ‘b****’ who deserved what was coming.

Trauma changed everything.

3. Recovery isn’t a straight line.

The common theme seems to be ‘avoids life for x amount of days- maybe a week or two. friends come over pull victim back into the real world. there are 2, maybe 3 set backs- but by a few months- life returns to normal’

Personally it was more like ‘life goes on fast forward for the next two months, nothing is wrong- NOTHING IS WRONG- NOTHING IS WRONG IF YOU ASK ME ONE MORE TIME- crash. Refuses to deal with life 4 months. Begins to recover. set back. recover. set back. simultaneously does a little bit better in one area- and completely falls apart in another. set back. Too many weeks of wondering ‘is this behavior more attributed to recovery or relapse? how do I know?’

There are way too many variables for recovery to move in a straight line. There are times when we do things that are good for us- while simultaneously regressing in other areas.

4. Recovery isn’t always about going out, facing your fears, or punching your assailant in the face.

Sometimes recovery is making art about what happened.

It is talking honestly about your fears and doubts.

It is talking- at all- about what happened to you.

Recovery is reading terrible terrible fan fiction where the MC goes through something terrible- but finds their best friend through it all- and they go out and slay the dragon and win the hearts of everyone. It is believing that maybe you too will be able to slay the dragon.

It is admitting that you are hurting.

It is asking for help when you need it.

Recovery, is a thousand things.

but not an end goal. not really.

5. Love won’t actually save us.

Too often I saw this idea- that maybe if we found someone who found our pain tragically beautiful.. they could convince us of our worth. they could hold our hand in public and kiss away the pain. after a decent amount of time, you’d have sex- and you’d realize that things were going to be okay after all.

Our pain is not tragically beautiful. 

We don’t necessarily have to save ourselves- not alone. But we have to put in the foot work, we have to respect our need to rest too though. We are more likely to get better with friends who extend hands to help us up- than lovers who kiss away memories of what happened.

6. Survivors actually aren’t that uncommon.

Too often I feel alone in a crowded room, feeling like everyone knows what happened and everyone thinks I’m a monster.

But I’ve learned, that when I speak up- inevitably, other people do too.

Whether it is reading a poem at a venue, or an offhanded comment.  Once one person speaks…

someone else, who thought they were all alone, speaks up too.

We aren’t alone. The more we talk, the more we reach out, the more we find one another.

and that…

was probably the most healing thing I ever did.

Lessons from a Transformative Breakup

(This is quite possibly the best thing I have ever read about breakups, and this was too good to not pass along to every corner of the internet)

Lessons from a Transformative Breakup: How to Find New Ways to be in Each Other’s Lives and Not Split the Communities We Love or the Movements We Support*

Try every single thing you can to make it work, and articulate the effort you are making to each other. Even things you aren’t sure will work – try EVERYthing. this will matter later.

Love yourself.

Don’t let fear make you settle for something you know isn’t working.

Be honest. The harder things are to say, the more necessary they are to say.

Commit to being in each other’s lives, and doing whatever is needed to ensure that in the long term.

…this may include being far away from each other (physically, and in social media, and in all communications) in the short term.

Set boundaries around communication and stick to them. This includes how often to communicate, what is ok to talk about, who it’s ok to talk to about the process, and permission to express feelings. You can identify a new boundary while in communication as you go along if something hurts or doesn’t feel right.

Don’t tell anyone else until you are ready.

Be intentional about who you tell, what you say, and letting people know what is and isn’t ok to talk or ask about. Write a letter to your community if need be. That way your true story trumps gossip and bullshit.

Feel your feelings.
Feel your feelings!
Feel your feelings.

Gather trusted support around you and lean on them as much as necessary.

Together, tell the story of your relationship to a trusted friend. What happened, what was great, what did you learn? Be as honest as possible, and take the time to tell the whole thing.

Don’t judge each other’s choices, feelings or processes. You can’t actually know what is going on for them. Take responsibility for your own feelings and act accordingly.

When you feel ready, dream together about the new relationship you want to have with each other.

As you come into new, post-breakup relationship with each other, watch for your patterns, and take it slow.

Celebrate your maturity and growth and ability to be present and do this.

Invite others to celebrate and applaud the efforts.

When you feel ready, enjoy the friendship you made possible together.

* please note: all of this is in the case of a generally awesome, healthy relationship that doesn’t quite work. not an abusive one that you may need to actually completely leave quickly.)

Body positivity! How to have a beach body:
1. Have a body
2. Go to the beach

Body positivity! How to have a beach body:

1. Have a body

2. Go to the beach

(via sexisnottheenemy)

Call for Submissions: Invisible Femmes

There’s a call for story submissions for the published work “Invisible Femmes: Our Stories”. This new book will include stories from femmes around the world, and will give other femmes and the people who love them insight into how it feels to have to defend and own their queer identities.

From the description:

Femme does NOT mean that you always have to leave the house in heels with your makeup done (though such femmes are certainly included)! This new definition of femme simply means that you are not straight, but are often mistaken for straight by either heteros or even your own LGBT family because of your appearance. Femmes have many different styles! Think cute sporty girl, girl next door, and of course the lovelies who rock their heels and dresses.

Follow the link below for more information:

http://thelstop.org/2013/06/be-a-part-of-invisible-femmes-our-stories/

Which culture do you want to live in?
Source: http://upsettingrapeculture.com/

Which culture do you want to live in?

Source: http://upsettingrapeculture.com/

Hello fabulous followers! Just a friendly reminder that this SexPositive blog is an affiliate of the Early to Bed sex shop. Use this (newly updated) link for all your sex toy needs!

Hello fabulous followers! Just a friendly reminder that this SexPositive blog is an affiliate of the Early to Bed sex shop. Use this (newly updated) link for all your sex toy needs!

If you would talk to your daughter about safety, talk to your son about consent.
(I am not clear on the original source. If anyone knows where credit is due, please let me know!)

If you would talk to your daughter about safety, talk to your son about consent.

(I am not clear on the original source. If anyone knows where credit is due, please let me know!)

Infographic: We need a powerful movement to end violence against women & girls. From PreventConnect

Infographic: We need a powerful movement to end violence against women & girls. From PreventConnect

STIs: Pubic Lice & Mulloscum Contagiosum

Pubic Lice

Pubic lice is a parasitic infection of the genital region. It is a living organism that attaches to pubic hair and lives on the body. It is most commonly spread through close contact with an infected person, however it can also live for a very short time on damp towels and sheets and can be spread through sharing these items. Pubic lice is characterized by mild to severe itching in the genital area. It can be cured with an insecticide, which can be purchased without a prescription

  • An infected person may be able to see tiny gray lice in their pubic hair or may be able to feel tiny eggs attached to their hair.
  • When treating pubic lice, treatment directions should be followed exactly and all clothes and bedding used by the infected person should be washed in hot water.
  • Itching begins about 5 days after infestation

Mulloscum Contagiosum

While mulloscum contagiosum is considered a sexually transmitted infection, it can also be transmitted during nonsexual, intimate contact.  It is a derivation of the small pox virus and is identified and diagnosed by small pinkish white bumps on the genital region and thighs that resemble pimples. It does not need to be treated because it goes away on its own, but the bumps can be removed by burning or freezing.

STIs: Trichonomiasis, Gonorrhea, & Bacterial Vaginosis

Trichonomiasis

Trich is the most common vaginal (as opposed to cervical) STI in women. It is only diagnosed in women, though it can be carried in men as well. It is a parasitic infection caused by a single-cell protozoan.  Common symptoms include a frothy green discharge, itching, and frequent urination. Trich is diagnosed after a practitioner examines the vaginal discharge under a microscope. It is easily treated with oral medication.

  • spread through contact with infected fluid
  • 7 million Americans infected every year
  • men rarely have symptoms

Gonorrhea

Gonorrhea is the ‘big brother’ of chlamydia and is also a distant relative of syphilis.  It is a bacterial infection that is spread through contact infected bodily fluids.  It can be transmitted through oral sex and can cause an infection in a person’s throat.  The symptoms are similar to those of chlamydia and include unusual discharge, burning, and itching.  Gonorrhea is easily treated with antibiotics, but if it goes untreated for very long periods of time it can cause serious problems such as PID in women and infertility in men.

  • women experience symptoms within 2-21 days of infection
  • men experience symptoms within 2-6 days of infection
  • usually treated with a shot of penicillin (it is resistant to Cipro, the pill that used to be used to treat it)
  • affects 600,000 people in US every year

Bacterial Vaginosis

Bacterial Vaginosis occurs when the intricate balance of bacteria in the vagina is disrupted.  It may occur as a result of sexual activity when foreign bacteria is introduced to the vagina, but can also occur as a result of the use of deodorant soaps, bubble baths, douches, or anything else that changes the pH of the vagina.  The symptoms include white discharge and a fishy vaginal odor.  BV is diagnosed after a pelvic exam and can be easily treated with antibiotics.

Favorite Figure: Sinclair Sexsmith

The reason I chose Sinclair Sexsmith as one of my favorite figures is threefold:

First of all, it was through my avid devouring of Sinclair’s original erotica that really inspired me to question and push the boundaries of my own sexuality, and explore many things, including an asymmetric balance of power. The erotica that they write, as well as the collections that they edit, have inspired some intrigue in things that I had previously not considered.

Second, Sinclair Sexsmith has a deep knowledge of so many topics, and can eloquently and enthusiastically speak to a broad range of sexuality. First of all, Sinclair has a masculine-of-center identity, and lives a personal definition of butch identity. They are a top, and can speak to many BDSM practices, and is constantly exploring their boundaries with their partners, including an asymmetrical balance of power and impact play. In the Sugarbutch Chronicles, Sinclair’s blog, they boldly share deep thoughts about how difficult some explorations are. Opening up their relationship and sharing every raw difficulty and wonderful joy for anonymous readers to learn from is a wonderful skill that I appreciate very much.

And finally, meeting Sinclair (see below) and seeing them lecture and perform in person was pivotal in the development in my queer identity, and I began to have a deeper understanding of the identity and roles I wanted to possess, as well as what roles and identities I am attracted to.

image

STIs: HIV & Hepatitis B

HIV

HIV is a viral infection that can be transmitted through infected semen or vaginal fluid, blood, or breast milk.  HIV occurs in several stages, and in the last stage, it presents as a disease that compromises the host person’s immune system and makes him or her susceptible to other infections.  It is not that common in the college population, but HIV is so important that doctors recommend that every one that is sexually active get tested for HIV once a year.

  • HIV is the virus, AIDS is the disease that results when the virus reaches the final stage
  • Tests can be oral swab or a blood draw
  • Risk of HIV infection is highest during the first few months of infection in a partner, when the infection is likely to be unrecognized
  • Every sexually active person should have an HIV test every year
  • HIV test is testing for antibodies that the body builds up in response to the virus, so tests can take up to 3 months after infection to be positive
  • About 980,000 cases of AIDS have been reported to CDC in US

Hepatitis B

Hepatitis B is a viral infection of the liver that can be transmitted through infected blood as well as infected bodily fluids such as semen or vaginal fluid. Symptoms are similar to flu symptoms and include fever, tiredness, nausea, and headaches. Hepatitis B also causes jaundice, which is a yellowing of the skin and eyes and a darkening color of the urine.  It is usually vaccinated against in children.

  • symptoms usually appear 2-3 months after infection.
  • treatment takes about 6 months
  • about 78,000 people in US infected every year
Sex Positive feminist. sexual assault survivor. queer. novice sexual health educator.
rape crisis counselor. LGBT youth counselor. proponent of comprehensive sex ed.
supporter of kinks, fetishes and sexual exploration.



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