SexPositive ideal sex education

I recently responded to a question about my ideal sex-positive sex education curriculum, and as someone pointed out, questions aren’t really re-blog friendly. I also forgot to include any information about LGBT individuals (major oversight, my apologies). So here it is again. Thank you all for your positive responses!

My ideal sex-education curriculum would start young, focusing on personal safety. Children around kindergarten-age (age 5) would be taught about self worth and their private areas, and learn that only themselves, parents, doctors and specified adults can touch these areas. At this time, I would expect that children learn that LGBT people exist in terms of other adults. (Kids can have two daddies, one mommy and one daddy, or just one mommy, etc.)

Closer to the age when puberty begins (age 10), adolescents would be taught about the general logistics about sex (sperm, egg, uterus), as well as specific changes in puberty (menstruation, pubic hair). Birth control methods would be introduced, as a way to prevent pregnancy and diseases. LGBT identities would be introduced, so that kids who are questioning their orientation can begin to find resources available to them.

Around the age right before sexual activity generally begins (age 14 or 15), adolescents would have a very in depth program about both male and female bodies, pregnancy, STIs and other potential health issues, birth control, LGBT identities, sexual assault and healthy relationships. There would be a brief, but thorough mention about safer sex in the LGBT community, since there is a lack of information for lesbian and bi women, and a lot of fear-based information for gay and bi men. There would be an abundance of resources where to seek more information, as well as an environment where students feel they can ask questions and receive serious answers.

Finally just before college-age, (age 18) a specific educational program would target sexual assault and rape, the “hooking up” culture, alcohol and drugs, healthy relationships, and review pregnancy and disease prevention. Resources would again be listed, especially for the area in which the young adults live in.

Sex Positive Parenting: Kids are Masturbating

Human sexuality is an integral part of our whole lives, and does not begin just at puberty. Many children experience their sexuality as early as from infancy, when they learn that putting pressure or directly stimulating their genital regions feels good. Masturbation is a normal and healthy part of childhood.

Its been shown that children begin masturbating very early on, and how parents react to this behavior can leave lasting impressions on children about sexuality and their bodies. If a young child, between ages of 2 through 5, is masturbating at school or in common areas in the home, they need to learn that this behavior is only acceptable in private spaces like their bedroom. They cannot be made to feel ashamed about it, just simply informed that yes, that feels good to do that, but they should only do that in their bedroom or bathroom, and not in places like in the family room, or at school.

If a parent finds an older child masturbating in their room, and there hasn’t been a discussion previously about masturbation, the parents should find a different time to discuss this. In the discussion, several points should be discussed.

• Masturbation is a healthy way to learn about their bodies, and what feels good.
• Masturbation relieves stress and sometimes helps people to fall asleep.
• Masturbation is very safe sex, with no risk of STIs or pregnancy
• Masturbation is also known to benefit the immune system and keep you in good health

Having a sex positive environment for the family embraces the fact that children will be sexual in nature, no matter how the adults react to this. The big difference will be that the children will be able to ask questions, feel more open about their sexuality, and not feel ashamed about their bodies or pleasure.

Resources:

http://www.med.umich.edu/yourchild/topics/masturb.htm

http://www.plannedparenthood.org/health-topics/sex-101/masturbation-23901.htm

Sex Positive Parenting: Kids Found the Condoms

This is the first of hopefully many in a series called Sex Positive Parenting. As something I discuss with people in many contexts, part of being sex positive is providing a sex positive environment for the entire family. This includes honest conversations with children and teens about reproduction, sexuality and heath.

This following article, found at SEXPress, is written by my former advisor, Laura Stuart, MPH. There’s many good tidbits about how to address a situation when children found condoms in their parents’ possession.

If a child finds condoms and already knows the basics of “how babies are made” or the mechanics of sexual intercourse, you can remind the child of the book, class or discussion where they learned about sex or reproduction, followed by brief information about what condoms do (e.g., “Remember your book about how babies are made? This is something that keeps babies from being made before parents are ready for them.”). If the child doesn’t know a lot about sex and reproduction, you can answer in a less specific way about what condoms do (e.g., “This is something that grown-ups use to keep themselves healthy and safe.”)

Having this quick, honest explanation handy is only part of creating an atmosphere that does not stigmatize sex, and the way to discuss sex with children and teens is definitely a dynamic and evolving process. Keep an eye out for more articles on Sex Postive Parenting!