Kink & Fetish Terms: Vanilla Sex

Defining certain acts of sex or a partner as “vanilla” refers to the idea that the sexual acts or preferences are plain, standard, commonly socially accepted, or sometimes it can derogatorily mean the sex (or partner) is boring. It is sex that is lacking any kink or fetish play or BDSM.

For heterosexual couples, vanilla sex may mean a limited sexual menu, relying solely or mostly on the missionary position. The British Medical Journal defines vanilla sex between same sex couples as “sex that does not extend beyond affection, mutual masturbation, and oral and anal sex.”

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http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/16140916801/kink-fetish-terms-kink-and-fetish

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/16602373496/kink-fetish-terms-cuckold

Kink & Fetish Terms: Cuckold

Cuckold (n): A person who gains sexual pleasure in the knowledge that his/her partner has made love, or is making love to other people. Cuckolds are usually submissive, and might ‘enjoy’ sexual humiliation.

This term has been around since the 13th century, referring to the cuckoo bird, as some varieties of the birds laid their eggs in other birds’ nests. Currently a cuckold usually refers to a man who gains sexual pleasure from his wife (or female partner) being with other people, but it is of course adaptable to all genders and relationships.

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Kink & Fetish Terms: Kink and Fetish

The terms “kink” and “fetish” may mean different things, and hold different meanings within popular culture and in psychosocial discourse. In colloquial terms, both kink and fetish can mean anything that is outside of typical, ‘vanilla’ sex. LGBT sex, BDSM, and gender bending, as well as too many to list, all fall under these kink and fetish umbrellas.

These words have a slightly different meaning when they’re put in context of psychological discussion. Fetish has a very specific meaning relating to a diagnosis of a mental disorder. Kink relates to any non-normative sexual behavior.

These are the definitions that I’ve adapted from several Human Sexuality books, and I feel like they combine both the colloquial definitions with the harsher, clinical ones.

Kink - any common non-sexual object or act that holds erotic or arousing power for the holder of the kink.

Fetish - The inability to become aroused or reach orgasm without the object or act that makes up the kink.

Example: Becoming aroused by thinking of, seeing, or touching high heel shoes would make high heel shoes a kink. However, if someone was unable to become aroused or reach orgasm unless there was a heel in physical presence, or until that person imagined a high heel, that would become a fetish.

Some fetishes do not pose psychological problems, especially if its something that is easily imagined during sex, but some may be crippling to a person’s sexuality, especially if they involve socially unacceptable objects, and the person is made to feel ashamed of their fetishes.

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