Sex Positive Parenting: Questions and Suggestions?

Recently, I was asked to lead a discussion group for the amazing Chicago-based group, SHEER, or Sexuality Health Education to End Rape. The topic of my discussion will be sex positive parenting, since those posts have been the most popular and well received so far. Though I don’t have kids, I have been working with kids professionally for 4 years, and have seen quite a bit of parenting, both that I enjoy and some that I do not.

I’m planning on finding excerpts from books and articles that everyone can read, and then we can discuss the topics in some sort of an order. I don’t want to place too many restrictions on the direction of the conversation, but currently my resources and literature on this subject is pretty narrow.

Are there any questions or suggestions you have that can lead to a sex positive parenting essay or resource? Feel free to send me a message or answer this post directly. Suggestions pointing to articles, books and opinions are great, as well as asking questions so I can go ahead and do some research.

For your convenience, here are the essays I’ve already written as part of the sex positive parenting theme:

• Kids found the condoms
• Kids are masturbating
• Ideal sexual education

Thank you!

Other Articles You May Like:

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/19686585859/sexpositive-ideal-sex-education

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/19243045499/sex-positive-parenting-kids-are-masturbating

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/14993331847/sex-positive-parenting-kids-found-the-condoms

Spotlight on: SHEER Collective

From their website:

Sexuality Health Education to End Rape (SHEER) is a survivor-centered, sex-positive, pro-consent collective formed to prevent sexual assault, abuse, harassment and victim blaming and to address myths about rape by promoting an affirmative consent standard as the cornerstone of healthy sexual interactions. An affirmative consent standard calls for enthusiastic consent that is active, mutual, and ongoing throughout a sexual encounter. SHEER strives to be an anti-oppressive coalition that values open and ongoing dialog about the ways in which physical and mental ability, race, class, nationality, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity, among other factors, shape and inform our relationships with rape culture and with healthy sexuality.

SHEER is a descendant of the 1970’s feminist, anti-rape movement. SHEER values the past and future of feminists movements and encourages future generations of activists to change, adapt and grow in the movement in thoughtful, intentional and responsible ways.

SHEER is having an event in Chicago this Thursday to honor some of Chicago’s leading activists in sexual wellness and rape prevention. Check out the website for more information.

If you have any other amazing sex-positive groups, I’d love to feature them in a spotlight!

SexPositive ideal sex education

I recently responded to a question about my ideal sex-positive sex education curriculum, and as someone pointed out, questions aren’t really re-blog friendly. I also forgot to include any information about LGBT individuals (major oversight, my apologies). So here it is again. Thank you all for your positive responses!

My ideal sex-education curriculum would start young, focusing on personal safety. Children around kindergarten-age (age 5) would be taught about self worth and their private areas, and learn that only themselves, parents, doctors and specified adults can touch these areas. At this time, I would expect that children learn that LGBT people exist in terms of other adults. (Kids can have two daddies, one mommy and one daddy, or just one mommy, etc.)

Closer to the age when puberty begins (age 10), adolescents would be taught about the general logistics about sex (sperm, egg, uterus), as well as specific changes in puberty (menstruation, pubic hair). Birth control methods would be introduced, as a way to prevent pregnancy and diseases. LGBT identities would be introduced, so that kids who are questioning their orientation can begin to find resources available to them.

Around the age right before sexual activity generally begins (age 14 or 15), adolescents would have a very in depth program about both male and female bodies, pregnancy, STIs and other potential health issues, birth control, LGBT identities, sexual assault and healthy relationships. There would be a brief, but thorough mention about safer sex in the LGBT community, since there is a lack of information for lesbian and bi women, and a lot of fear-based information for gay and bi men. There would be an abundance of resources where to seek more information, as well as an environment where students feel they can ask questions and receive serious answers.

Finally just before college-age, (age 18) a specific educational program would target sexual assault and rape, the “hooking up” culture, alcohol and drugs, healthy relationships, and review pregnancy and disease prevention. Resources would again be listed, especially for the area in which the young adults live in.

Other Articles You May Like:

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/28942768308/sex-positive-parenting-questions-and-suggestions

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/19243045499/sex-positive-parenting-kids-are-masturbating

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/14993331847/sex-positive-parenting-kids-found-the-condoms

Are You Ready to Have Sex?

Ask yourself these questions, and consider all the physical and mental possibilities before having sex.

• Is your decision to have sex completely your own (you feel no pressure from others, including your partner)?
• Is your decision to have sex based on the right reasons? (It shouldn’t be based on peer pressure, a need to fit in or make your partner happy, or a belief that sex is the only way to make your relationship with your partner better, or closer. If you decide to have sex, it should be because you feel emotionally and physically ready. Your partner should be someone you trust.)
• Do you feel your partner would respect any decision you made about whether to have sex or not?
• Are you able to comfortably talk to your partner about sex and your partner’s sexual history?
• Have you and your partner talked about what both of you would do if you became pregnant or contracted an STI?
• Do you know how to prevent pregnancy and STI’s?
• Are you and your partner willing to use contraception to prevent pregnancy and STI’s?
• Do you really feel ready and completely comfortable with yourself and your partner to have sex?

These questions were compiled by Young Women’s Health. Find this, and more information here.

Sex Positive Parenting: Kids Found the Condoms

This is the first of hopefully many in a series called Sex Positive Parenting. As something I discuss with people in many contexts, part of being sex positive is providing a sex positive environment for the entire family. This includes honest conversations with children and teens about reproduction, sexuality and heath.

This following article, found at SEXPress, is written by my former advisor, Laura Stuart, MPH. There’s many good tidbits about how to address a situation when children found condoms in their parents’ possession.

If a child finds condoms and already knows the basics of “how babies are made” or the mechanics of sexual intercourse, you can remind the child of the book, class or discussion where they learned about sex or reproduction, followed by brief information about what condoms do (e.g., “Remember your book about how babies are made? This is something that keeps babies from being made before parents are ready for them.”). If the child doesn’t know a lot about sex and reproduction, you can answer in a less specific way about what condoms do (e.g., “This is something that grown-ups use to keep themselves healthy and safe.”)

Having this quick, honest explanation handy is only part of creating an atmosphere that does not stigmatize sex, and the way to discuss sex with children and teens is definitely a dynamic and evolving process. Keep an eye out for more articles on Sex Postive Parenting!

Other Articles You May Like:

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/28942768308/sex-positive-parenting-questions-and-suggestions

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/19686585859/sexpositive-ideal-sex-education

http://sexpositiveblog.com/post/19243045499/sex-positive-parenting-kids-are-masturbating

Decrease in teenage sexual intercourse

According to research recently released from the CDC, teenagers are having sex at a lesser rate then they were in 2002. This data indicates that about 43 percent of teenage girls and 42 percent of teenage boys have had sexual intercourse at least once, while in 2002, those numbers were at 51.1 percent and 60.4 percent, respectively.

From the reasons that the surveyed participants gave as to why they had not had sexual intercourse, a significant change occurred among boys:

The most common reason both girls and boys gave for never having had sex was that doing so was against their religion or morals; that has always been the primary reason in previous surveys, too, Dr. Martinez said. But the second-most-common reason among boys in the current survey was that they had not yet found the right person, a distinct change from 2002, when the No. 2 reason was that they did not want to get a girl pregnant.

This social shift could be a result of increased discussion about sex, whether that be from comprehensive sex education or peer discussions, which is having a direct impact on making an informed decision to have sex at the right time with the right person. This is incredible sex positive news!

Download the entire CDC research here.

Sex Negativity on Religious University Campuses

A news article on a religious university’s decision to segregate student housing by gender caught my attention for a different reason. For a university that condemns any and all sexual acts, including masturbation, the decision to separate students may lead to an even greater likelihood of sexual assault between students.

On a campus where masturbation and gang rape are outlawed in the same line, the process of preventing and reporting truly damaging sexual behavior becomes a lot more complicated.

There was a sexual assault incident on campus that a female student was gang raped on a all-male floor, but since the campus deems any sexual act “disruptive to the university community”, this case was not properly investigated nor reconciled.

Creating a community that is required to abide by the knowledge that any and all sexual contact is forbidden means that students may not be learning how to effectively communicate in situations where there is consensual sex, leading to misunderstanding and at times, sexual assault.

It’s wrong and counterproductive for University administrations to ignore the fact that college students will (and do) have sex. It is the duty of these administrations to make sure that the students have adequate knowledge of the difference between healthy and harmful sexual relationships, and to have the proper resources about safer sex and birth control. This trend to pretend that students are not sexually active on their campuses is not specific to religious universities; it is a pandemic for many universities, both public and private, that fosters rape culture on many college campuses.