Male Ally Tips - Things You Can Do Every Day!

profeministbro:

I was looking around for something that gives strategies that men can do to prevent rape and rape culture. Outside of Jackson Katz’s “10 Things Men Can Do To Stop Rape,” I didn’t find anything that was more recent. I put this list together as a handout for the male-identified training. I didn’t want to reinvent the wheel with this, but I feel there isn’t anything that is just a quick list of how to interrupt rape culture. Comments, questions, criticisms encouraged. 

Male Ally Tips – Things You Can Do Every Day!

Being an ally isn’t just about attending trainings and volunteering with RVA – it’s mostly about the way we carry ourselves on a day-to-day basis. With that in mind, here are some things to be mindful of…

1. Watch how much space you take up. Often when we are sitting on the train or bus, men tend to take up more space than women. In some cases, it may be because we are physically bigger than women, but in others it is an unearned (and unnoticed) sense of entitlement. When you ride the train, compare and contrast how much space men take up versus women. Remember that your size can be intimidating.
2. Learn to step back… From an early age, boys are encouraged to voice our opinions and to speak when we feel something needs to be said. However, that can lead us to dominate a conversation or meeting. Instead, practice not talking. Let others, particularly female-identified people, speak first. If they have said something you thought about saying, you don’t need to echo it.
3. …and to step up! Use your voice for good – when you hear other men telling a sexist joke, or statements that support rape myths, or words that belittle survivors of domestic and sexual violence, interject! You’ll be surprised at how effective (and appreciated!) a statement such as “I really don’t think that (joke/comment/remark) is funny” really is.
4. Attend feminist events. If male-identified people are welcomed at the space, show your support by attending talks by feminist authors, film screenings by female filmmakers, and concerts with feminist performers.
5. Support feminist media. Go one step further – if we want to put a stop to rape culture, we need to work on dismantling it. Supporting alternatives to mainstream, corporate-owned media is imperative. Get a subscription to Bitch magazine, buy albums of feminist performers and buy tickets to movies that feature strong female leads and/or positive depictions of gender non-conforming folks. As the old saying goes, “money talks”- if companies see these movies doing well they are more likely to continue making them!
6. Volunteer! If you have the time, volunteer for a rape crisis or domestic violence center. Men NEED to be doing this work. Most of the time violence is perpetrated, a man is the perpetrator. This is not being anti-male, it’s just being honest. Call your local rape crisis or domestic violence center and find out how you can help. You may not be able to work directly with survivors, but you can do prevention work – which involves talking to other men – and that is equally important.
7. Make your space feminist. We don’t want to take up more space than necessary, but rather, to make the space we do take up feminist. If you work in an office, push for a sexual assault 101 training. Hang up posters in your cubicle that are supportive of gender-equality. If you’re a member of a fraternity, do a service project that benefits a local rape crisis or DV center. It’s possible to do this in any space – not just the social work field!
8. Be an active bystander. Obviously if we see a sexual assault taking place we should intervene, as anyone would do. However, sexual violence exists on a continuum. Verbal street harassment and groping are also forms of sexual violence, though they are commonly accepted. If you see a man talking to a woman on the train, ask the woman if the man is bothering her. When you see a man taking upskirt pictures on his iPhone, tell him that is not only illegal but wrong. If a man grabs a woman, tell him, in your own words, to leave her alone. Most of these behaviors continue because the men who perpetrate the actions feel justified since they have never had another man call them out on it. Equally important, we want to think of our own safety – intervene if you feel comfortable, but we’re not superheroes, nor do we want to feel that just because we are men we need to be “strong” enough to fix everything. Taking your own safety account is imperative!
9. Reflect the type of masculinity you want to see in the world. If we want to break the association of masculinity and violence, we need to portray the type of masculinity we want to see. This means allowing ourselves to be vulnerable, being nurturing and supportive of children, taking responsibility for our actions, and apologizing when we’ve hurt someone’s feelings. It also means supporting men who are “outside the gender box,” as well as supporting women and gender non-conforming folks. If we continue to harbor the negative qualities of masculinity, we can’t effectively change it.
10. Be accountable. Finally, recognize the ways that you are being oppressive. Always keep yourself in check. Being an ally means being accountable to feminists and to female-identified and gender non-conforming people. Though we may have the best of intentions, it is common to make mistakes. That’s how privilege works, after all – we will always be unlearning sexism. Being an ally is a lifelong process, and you’ve started on the road to making the world a safer place for women and girls (as well as boys and men!). That should be commended. However, we do not deserve praise for doing the work we should be doing; for taking responsibility. Make sure you are self-critical, self-aware, and knowledgeable about your words and actions.

This. Just this.

It is incredibly uplifting to know that I dedicate time to the same organization that this man works for; to be in the same city that he’s creating awesome, needed outlets for male allies against sexual assault; and to be working toward similar goals within the same anti-rape, pro-feminist movement. Thank you, Steve, this is absolutely fantastic, and I hope my followers spread this even further.

(via profeministbro-deactivated20130)

SASETA

profeministbro:

I posted this a few days ago, but people need to be aware of this law. PLEASE reblog this.

The Sexual Assault Survivors Emergency Treatment Act (410 ILCS 70/1) is an Illinois law that governs the healthcare that hospitals are required to provide to sexual assault survivors, establishes a statewide forensic evidence collection system, and creates a reimbursement program for the cost of care and evidence collection for victims who are not covered by private insurance or Medicaid.

http://icasa.org/index.aspx?PageID=598

(via profeministbro-deactivated20130)

Spotlight on: SHEER Collective

From their website:

Sexuality Health Education to End Rape (SHEER) is a survivor-centered, sex-positive, pro-consent collective formed to prevent sexual assault, abuse, harassment and victim blaming and to address myths about rape by promoting an affirmative consent standard as the cornerstone of healthy sexual interactions. An affirmative consent standard calls for enthusiastic consent that is active, mutual, and ongoing throughout a sexual encounter. SHEER strives to be an anti-oppressive coalition that values open and ongoing dialog about the ways in which physical and mental ability, race, class, nationality, ethnicity, religion, sexual orientation, and gender identity, among other factors, shape and inform our relationships with rape culture and with healthy sexuality.

SHEER is a descendant of the 1970’s feminist, anti-rape movement. SHEER values the past and future of feminists movements and encourages future generations of activists to change, adapt and grow in the movement in thoughtful, intentional and responsible ways.

SHEER is having an event in Chicago this Thursday to honor some of Chicago’s leading activists in sexual wellness and rape prevention. Check out the website for more information.

If you have any other amazing sex-positive groups, I’d love to feature them in a spotlight!

Northwestern CARE Setting a Precedent

My alma mater has been brought into the spotlight several times in the last few years, most notably for the FuckSaw, but the news of the first coordinator for the Northwestern Center for Awareness, Response and Education (CARE) is shedding some positive light on all that the campus does for healthy sexuality and sexual assault prevention. Eva Ball became the first coordinator for CARE, a brand new department that is specifically designed to address the needs of survivors of sexual assault and rape, as well as educate the campus on ways to reduce rape.

Ball said she looks forward to working on both short- and long-term projects to make NU a sexually healthy campus. She will work in the Center for Awareness, Response and Education, an office created in September and funded by a $300,000 grant that NU’s Campus Coalition on Sexual Violence won.

This would not have been possible for Northwestern without my former advisor, Laura Stuart, as she is the one that successfully filed the application for the grant, and formed the CCSV throughout campus to enumerate all the shortcomings of the current system, that CARE would need to address.

Also, Eva Ball has my absolute dream job. So amazed and impressed by her resume, and I’m excited to see what she will help the campus achieve this year.

The LGBT Community & Sexual Assault

I wrote this presentation for an internship at a Sexual Assault Counseling Center, and adapted it for a Take Back the Night event that I was a part of in college. If you’d like the actual presentation, let me know and I’d be happy to send it along!

The LGBT Community and Sexual Assault

Sexual Assault Awareness is important to the LGBT community because sexual assault and domestic violence are important, and often time silent, problems in the LGBTQ community. Being lesbian, gay, bisexual or transgender does not exclude you from sexual assault and domestic violence.

Definition of Sexual Assault and Rape

Sexual assault is any sexual contact that is against a person’s will or without consent. This includes situations where force, violence or weapons are used as well as situations where the victim is too intoxicated or scared to give consent.

Rape is defined as penetration against a person’s will or without consent and chiefly by force or deception. The rapist can be a man or a woman, and the victim can be a man or a woman as well.

Rape is About Power

Myth: Only gay men sexually assault other men.

Reality: Most men who sexually assault other men identify themselves as heterosexual. This fact helps to highlight another reality — that sexual assault is about violence, anger and control over another person, not lust or sexual attraction.

Consent

Consent is an agreement that two people must make if they want to have sex. The issue of consent can be a complicated and ambiguous area that needs to be addressed with clear, open and honest communication.

• Both partners needs to be fully conscious and aware.
• Both partners are equally free to act.
• Both partners should clearly communicate their willingness and permission.
• Both partners are positive and sincere in their desires.

Communication and Consent

• Keep in mind that communicating about sex is a skill that takes practice.
• Remember that better communication means better sex.
• Be honest and open about feeling nervous to talk about sex with your partner.
• Ask your partner about his/her boundaries and desires first.
• Don’t wait until you are already in the action. Plan ahead and bring it up at a different time.

Same Sex Sexual Assault

LGBT victims are even less likely than straight survivors to report the assault. There is often a tendency to blame their victimization on their sexual orientation or gender orientation.

Why It’s Hard to Seek Support After Sexual Assault

• Reporting is deterred by lack of competent “queer-friendly” helpers who are sensitive to same-sex assault or violence.
• There could be a reporting process which “outs” the survivor, or may “out” the community.

Woman to Woman Assault

• Survivors often experience a sense of betrayal and disbelief that a woman could assault another woman.
• Woman-to-woman assaults are often trivialized or viewed as harmless “cat fights” with no real victim and no injury. This is an inaccurate misconception.
• Woman-to-woman assaults are rarely perpetrated by strangers, or by heterosexual women.
• Although there is typically no concern for pregnancy, there is the possibility of internal injuries and sexually transmitted infections.

Man to Man Assault

• Men hesitate to report a sexual assault due to fears of blame, disbelief or intolerance by police or medical personnel.
• The most common male-to-male assault is the rape of a man who is perceived to be gay by a heterosexual man.
• As assault of a heterosexual man sometimes leads him to question his sexual orientation. Male-to-male assaults also occur between gay men.
• Male victims often react with more overt anger than women do.

Sexual Assault Statistics and Facts

• 1 in 4 girls and 1 in 6 boys will have been assaulted by age 18, regardless of sexual orientation.
• 60% of male rapes were perpetrated by their partners.
• 600,000 rapes are reported to the police in the US each year.
• An estimated 6,000,000 rapes occur each year.
• 31% of lesbians and 12% of gay men have been sexually assaulted. (Psychological Reports, 1990)
• Victims or sexual assault are 26 more times likely to abuse drugs.
• LGBT people are more likely than heterosexual individuals to be sexually assaulted by strangers. This would be motivated by fear and hatred of homosexuality.

It is NEVER the Survivor’s Fault

Even if…

• Your attacker was an acquaintance, date, friend or partner.
• You have been sexually intimate with that person or others before.
• You were drinking or using drugs.
• You froze and did not or could not say “no”, or were unable to fight back physically.

How to Help a Survivor

• Listen, don’t judge. Just try to understand the survivor’s feelings.
• Offer to have them stay with you, or you with them.
• Give comfort and support.
• Encourage your friend to seek professional help.
• Accept the person’s choices about what to do regarding the assault.
• Be patient.

Help and Support Are Available

• The 24 HR National Sexual Assault Hotline by RAINN: 800-656-HOPE (4673)
• Gay & Lesbian National Hotline: 1-888-843-4564
• National Domestic Violence Helpline: 1-800-799-7233
• La red (ending abuse in same-sex relationships): 617-742-4911
• National Gay and Lesbian Youth Hotline, 1-800-347-TEEN
• Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, and Transgender (GLBT) Youth Support Line
: 800-850-8078
• The Trevor Helpline: 866-4-U-TREVOR
• Rainbow Youth Hotline: 877-LGBT-YTH (1-877-542-8984)

Resources for Male Survivors

letstalkaboutrape:

I posted last week asking people if they knew of some good resources for male victims of sexual assault. Here is the list people came up with:

www.malesurvivor.org

www.violenceunsilenced.com

www.rainn.org

www.pandys.org

www.1in6.org

www.soulspeakout.org

Thanks everyone!